The Secrets of Life

I don't consider myself to be a very wise person, but I do know some not-so-secret secrets that are sure to guarantee happiness. I will dispense this information...now!

1.) Jimmy Buffett relieves stress, no doubt about it.

2.) Sleeping late is good for you. I have no scientific proof, but I know how I feel after I sleep in on Saturdays, and that's all that matters. That being said, sleeping past noon isn't really okay. Sleeping late every day really isn't okay, either. Moderation is key, yo.

3.) Smoking cigarettes makes you smell, well, like a cigarette. That's not a good thing. Also, smoking cigarettes kills you and gives you cancer...not in that order. So, if you don't care about how you smell, perhaps you care about your life? If you don't care about your life, then you should stop reading about the secrets of life. DUH. I'm done rambling.

4.) Go to Disney World.

Why? Because I said so. Because no one has ever died in Disney World, Scout's Honor. How many other places are that cool? I'll tell you how many...ZERO. It's the happiest place on Earth. It's good for the soul, just like chicken soup, which brings me to my next point...

5.) Chicken soup is good for the soul...maybe not for the chicken's soul, but for your soul? Definitely.

6.) Be yourself. If you try to be someone else, you're going to confuse people, including yourself.

7.) Admit your mistakes and apologize. If you don't do this, you'll eventually run out of friends and people with whom to talk.

8.) Say "Bless You" when someone sneezes. Why is this a secret of life? Because if you don't do this, I'll kill you. Just kidding. But for real, be polite.

9.) Eat dessert. You shouldn't eat dessert for every meal or after every meal, but perpetually denying your body dessert is not good. You'll go insane, and a skinny looney bird is still a looney bird.

10.) Read...it's good for your brain.

11.) Laugh. It's good for your brain and your body. As Mr. Buffett says, "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." He's right.

12.) Forgive people. We all screw up. You'll want forgiveness one day, so don't be stingy with it.

13.) Listen to people. Someone once told me that we were given two ears and one mouth for a reason - we should listen twice as much as we talk. We all know those people who never shut up. Don't be that guy.

14.) Say "thank you." No one is too cool to be grateful.

15.) Always love. Hate will get you every time.

P.S. That's a song by Nada Surf. It's good.