There are few things in life with which a large majority of people can agree. For proof, just look at the health care battle, religion, gay marriage, and practically anything else. I'm going to go out on a limb, however, and say that everyone likes rocking chairs. And the people who have never experienced a rocking chair would like it if given the chance to see its magic.
I was sitting in a rocking chair last night on the porch of a great house of a great fraternity on a great road in a great college town. It was pretty great. No, scratch that, it was the bomb. There are several reasons I like rocking chairs. Here are just a few:
1.) Not many chairs are made for the sole purpose of sitting and enjoying a sit. Toilets were made for a special purpose. Thrones were made for kings and those of the like to rule over their minions. Car seats were made for, well, cars. Kitchen chairs were made so one would not be required to stand and eat. Recliners, oddly enough, seem to be made for sleeping in case the television show one is watching is a bore. Rocking chairs, though. Rocking chairs were made for sitting (and thinking about life, which inevitably ensues).
2.) The inventor of the rocking chair is unknown. Some believe it was Benjamin Franklin, but I know better. You see, no one knows who invented this amazing chair because God did. He realized the world was missing something, so when he made Adam and Eve, he took a small chunk of the rib that he used to make Eve to make the rocking chair. This chair remained lost after Eve ate the apple, but it made a comeback in the 18th century. The history of the rocking chair was left out of the Bible because the rocking chair didn't want to have anything to do with the whole original sin thing.
While I have no concrete proof of this, I would tell naysayers that they have no concrete proof against it, so that's what I believe. God invented the rocking chair because no mere mortal could have invented something so perfect.
So if an atheist tells you they don't believe in God, tell them to go sit in a rocking chair in a very polite manner.
3.) No one would concoct a plan for world domination in a rocking chair. Why? Because angry and mean people are the ones who create such plans, and a rocking chair immediately makes people happy and nice. However, if one gets out of a rocking chair, the anger and meanness could definitely come back. Simply, people just don't think about oppressing other people in rocking chairs. People think about life, the Sun, the skies and sunsets, flowers, rainbows, cheeseburgers, beer, puppies, etc. in rocking chairs, but they certainly do not think about world domination.
4.) Rocking chairs rock.
5.) Rocking chairs are often associated with front and back porches, which are pretty awesome, if you ask me.
6.) Rocking chairs are soothing. You can ebb and flow to and fro. You can also bust some sweet rhymes.
7.) Rocking chairs also provide an ever-so-slight workout. What do you do in a normal chair? Sit. What do you do in a rocking chair? Rock. It's that simple.
8.) Rocking chairs have mystical powers. If everyone had a rocking chair, the world would be a better place. Why? Because like I said, people don't contemplate world domination and nuclear warheads in a rocking chair (that is done in labs and other gross places).
9.) I've never met anyone who didn't like rocking chairs, and if I do, I have a feeling we won't become friends.
10.) Rocking chairs always adorn the greatest restaurant ever, Cracker Barrel. If you disagree with that statement, think about this. Where else can you play checkers, eat yummy food, play the little triangle-tee game, and find the greatest candies and toys known to man? Nowhere esle, so don't even try to think of another place.
I really like rocking chairs. Some of the statements in this post may not necessarily be the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God, but they're pretty close.
Go sit in a rocking chair today. You'll be glad you did.
