"All I Have To Do Is Dream"

Anyone who knows me knows that I have some very crazy dreams. In fact, if a sleep study were ever done on me, I'd say that some pretty incredible results would show up, not to brag. I had a dream last weekend, though, that even I found a little troubling and insane. Enjoy.

So, I never remember exactly how a dream starts, and I don't think I'm alone on that one. The first thing I remember, though, is playing soccer with my high school soccer team. We were all out on the field playing a very well-known team who has been undefeated since soccer was invented. Anyway, it was back to senior year, and the other team got a corner kick. Anyone who watched or participated in my senior year of soccer knows that my team was downright horrendous at defending corner kicks. I look up and, much to my dismay, the opposing team has their ENTIRE team on the field during this corner kick. We have only eleven players. Now, I'm not the best at math, and STAT2000 nearly made me kill myself this semester, but I could recognize that 11 vs. 5 million was an issue for concern. I thus take to screaming at every teammate to tell them where they need to be to defend this corner kick successfully. They all looked at me as if I were speaking that crazy language of the Na'vi on Pandora in the movie Avatar. Somehow, by the grace of God, I'm sure, we managed to defend the corner kick. I am absolutely livid at everyone's failure to act, so naturally, I start screaming my head off at everyone to let them know how useless they are.

The next thing I know I am in my bedroom in my house at school. I have just been informed that I will be "guest-punting," as it was called in my dream, in the next UGA football game, which just happens to be the next day, which also, in my dream, happens to be my birthday. Apparently, Drew Butler was totally fine with this development, and while I found it odd that I would have been chosen for such a task, I decided to rummage around in my closet and dig out my old soccer cleats. I then concluded that someone must have seen my performance in the soccer game I have just described and decided that I was an appropriate substitute punter. I then frantically begin to wonder if I will be supplied with a uniform and pads and football pants or if I should bring my own football wear. I decide to bring my ever-reliable Nike Tempo running shorts (because these are obviously appropriate for a guest appearance in a televised college football game).

Somehow, I end up in an apartment that I have never seen before in my life. All three friends of mine are there, and I am apparently setting up for my birthday festivities. More people begin to show up, and I decide to bring out the Chick-fil-A nugget tray that I had for the occasion (oddly similar to my real-life birthday party this year). All of a sudden, I remember I absolutely must go to my old dorm and get something out of my room. I promptly leave the apartment and sprint over to the dorm, which, in my dream, is now conveniently located right next to this mysterious apartment complex and Sanford Stadium. I finally arrive at my old room only to realize that I don't have my key because I moved out 6 months earlier (duh). I then decide it would be a good idea to run back to the apartment. Upon my arrival, however, I realize I have to also run by the stadium for some pre-game top-secret business. I finally get to the stadium only to forget why I had come, so I decide it's time to run back to the apartment. Please, for entertainment's sake, keep in mind that I have been sprinting this entire time. Anyway, I am running back to the apartment, and I keep seeing people from high school (classmates, teachers, etc.). They all proceed to tell me how great my hair looks flapping wildly in the wind. I am certainly confused, but I continue on my quest.

I finally arrive at the apartment to find only my sister and one of my roommates left. Everyone else had bailed to go to the game. This doesn't trouble me as badly as the fact that all my nuggets are gone. I get really and truly upset that my moocher friends have ravenously scarfed down all my nuggets, so I sit down on the couch and do the only thing left I know to do. I pout. My sister proceeds to ask me what is wrong, so I let her know that I'm pissed that all my nuggets are gone. She then decides to pull out the 6 chicken nuggets she hid under the couch cushion. Touched by her kindness and dumbfounded by her idiocy, I take the nuggets and proceed to wash them off in the sink. Problem solved. I go back to sit on the couch, and my sister says, "I'm glad you're in a better mood."

"Um, what?" I so eloquently respond.

"Yeah, you got pissed earlier because Alex (my roommate) made fun of your skin," my sister tells me.

Dream Heidi thinks this is a perfectly good reason to be angry at someone, especially with my skin insecurities, but before I can protest, I find myself in Belk with my sister and roommate. My sister and roommate are trying on shoes, when my sister decides to tell my roommate that she is her "number 2."

I get super offended by this because I know that my sister's boyfriend must be her "number 1," thus I am only "number 3" in the best-case-scenario. I am fuming, so I storm off into the socks section, and a friend from high school appears. I tell her the treason that my sister has just committed, and she replies with an ever-so-helpful "people suck."

I decide I will just go purchase my socks and leave. I make my way to the register where there is a display of beautiful rings. These aren't cheap, costume jewelry cocktail rings. There are diamonds and rubies and sapphires, and I am positively mesmerized. The cashier informs me that I can have one of the rings. She tells me I get one free with my purchase, and then I'm all, "Lady, I just bought socks. This is a diamond ring."

She is aware and still lets me pick out a ring. I try on several and finally decide on a platinum band with a sapphire stone. I am about to leave the counter when the lady informs me that I have forgotten to take off one of the rings I was trying on, and, silly me, I had. I take off the ring and am on my merry way. I step out of the store and look down, and, much to my surprise, the ring I had just taken off is back on my finger! I rush back into the store to return the ring, and the cashier says jokingly, "Oh, were you trying to steal that ring?"

I think to myself, "Since it was free, no. And had I been trying, I would have succeeded because I had already made it out the door to freedom."

Before I can respond, though, I hear a man's voice behind me. I turn around and what do my eyes behold?? Jesus. Yep. Jesus Christ himself. Did my eyes deceive me? Nope. It was he. And Jesus had apparently gotten hooked up with the guys from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy because he was wearing some stylish jeans and a V-neck t-shirt. I notice that his head is literally glowing. I guess when you're Jesus, your head turns into its own halo.

I am absolutely at a loss for words, but that's okay because Jesus has some for me. He says, "Heidi, I know you're going through a rough time right now, but just have faith, and everything will be okay. Just trust."

I immediately hit the floor and start bawling.

Then, I woke up.

I'm not sure what all that dream meant, but I do know that God wants me to keep on keepin' on, and he sent his son to tell me in a dream.

P.S. The name of this post is also the name of an Everly Brothers song. It's a good one. It was #141 on Rolling Stone's "500 Greatest Songs of All Time."

25 Reasons I Am Head-Over-Heels in Love With December

I really like the month of November. It contains my birthday, my mother's birthday, Thanksgiving, and many other wonderful things. That being said, I LOOOOOOOOVE December. If I ever meet a boy/man named December, I will surely marry him. December is the greatest, and here are 25 reasons why:

1.) Christmas
I realize there is great speculation surrounding the date of the birth of Jesus Christ, but I accept December 25th wholeheartedly. People who tell me this date is incorrect really piss me off. Do they just happen to know exactly what day Jesus was born? Were they there? I highly doubt it, though I'm not one to claim that anything is impossible.

So, in my mind and heart, December 25 is Jesus's birthday, and since I love Jesus a whole whole lot, I really love this day.

2.) Listening to Christmas music isn't weird anymore
I have strong feelings for Christmas music. I usually start listening to it at the end of September every year. Is this strange? Some would think so (and by "some," I, of course, mean "most"). I do not listen to Christmas music constantly, however, until November, which is only half as fanatical, so do not be alarmed. I absolutely love my Christmas With The Rat Pack CD, and I believe if it weren't for iTunes and iPods, I would have worn a hole straight through the disc by now.

3.) Lights
Lights are great. Without lights, including sunlight, we would perpetually walk around in darkness, which is a pretty scary thought. I can't think about winter and Christmas without thinking about lights. At this time of year, lights decorate Main Street in my hometown, lights decorate houses and porches, and lights decorate trees. I can't think of a reason not to like lights, especially colorful ones.

4.) Everything is more beautiful
In the winter, which starts in December, I'll have you know, I truly believe everything is more beautiful. Winter often brings snow (maybe not in Georgia, necessarily), and snow is white unless someones pees in it, and white blankets cover everything. White is the color of purity, which leads my over-active mind to believe that everything is more natural in the winter.

I am also more beautiful in the winter because I no longer sweat when I walk into the sauna that is Georgia humidity. Most other girls are more beautiful, too, in my opinion, because they no longer visit tanning beds. Their skin is their natural color, and I think that's much prettier anyway. I wish tanning beds never had been invented. Now, I'm rambling.

5.) Christmas movies
One of my favorite movies of all time is Home Alone. I can watch this as many times throughout December as I please, and it's not frowned upon. Other great Christmas movies? Home Alone 2, A Christmas Story, Love Actually, The Santa Claus (1 & 2), Miracle on 34th Street, and It's a Wonderful Life.

6.) Christmas Candy
All the grocery stores and Wal-Marts and Targets have Christmas candy sections, and my sweet tooth goes into shock at this wondrous sight. The best are Christmas Nerds because they are red and green and white, and those are my favorite flavors of Nerds, anyway.

7.) Love is in the air
Rates of depression and suicide during this time of year may dispute this, but I think love is magnified. I think that people love others during December like they should love them the entire year.

8.) Baking
I realize baking is possible and acceptable throughout the year, but it's much better during December. FACT.

9.) Mistletoe
Anything that can be used as an excuse to kiss is alright in my book. I haven't actually been kissed under mistletoe, but if I find that boy named December, I have a feeling that's where we will kiss.

10.) Fireplaces
Fireplaces are great sources of warmth. Little do most people know, however, is that fireplaces are also great sources of happiness, Santa Clauses, and, if you happen to have some floo powder, they can take you anywhere you want to go.

11.) December birthdays:

Taylor Swift was born on December 13th, 1989. Anyone who knows me even just a little knows that I love Taylor Swift.

Walt Disney was born on December 5th, 1901. Walt Disney was/is the man.

Frank Sinatra was born on December 12, 1915. Sinatra is legend.

Jimmy Buffett was born on December 25, 1946, and for all you knuckleheads out there, that's Christmas Day. It just so happens that one of my favorite people of all time in the history of humanity was born on the same day as my absolute favorite person of all time in the history of humanity...that's Jesus, by the way.

12.) Family
I get to see family during December. Though my family sometimes drives me insane, I really love seeing them during the holidays.

13.) Bowl Games
'Tis the season for bowl games. To soften the blow of the regular season ending, God gave the U.S. bowl games.

14.) New Year's Eve
This is always fun because I get to pretend I'm going to stop doing some sort of ridiculous habit the next day, when in my mind, I know I'm going to keep on being me.
There is also Dick Clark's Rockin' New Year's Eve, and the Peach Drop in Atlanta, which is pretty exciting, if you ask me.

15.) 25 Days of Christmas on ABC Family
This network knows what I like, no doubt about it.

16.) No shorts
It's obviously too cold this time of year to be wearing shorts in public, which is great because my legs are sub-par at best. I also am not required by society to shave my legs because no one will know. That's gross, and I'm sorry.

And best of all, no shorts means no jorts.

17.) Holiday Commercials
I watch the most television during this time of year for several reasons, one being the spectacular holiday commercials. The best commercials are the Coca-Cola holiday commercials, hands down. Who doesn't love seeing a baby polar bear enjoy a nice cold beverage? No one. That's who.

18.) Historical Events

Some super-great things happened in the month of December. Here are a few:
- December 3, 1775: The first American flag was raised aboard the "U.S.S. Alfred." I love America.
- December 5, 1933: Prohibition ended in the United States. People could finally enjoy their booze.
- December 15, 1791: The Bill of Rights went into effect. It is because of this document's passage that I can write this blog post.
-December 17, 1903: Orville and Wilbur Wright's first successful manned flight occurred at Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. Thanks to them, we can fly!
- December 21, 1620: Some people called "Pilgrims" landed at this place in Massachusetts that we now refer to as Plymouth. This was pretty important.
- December 23, 1823: "A Visit from St. Nicholas" (Better known today as "The Night Before Christmas") by Clement C. Moore was published.
- December 24, 1894: Henry Ford completed his first successful gasoline engine. This led to the car, which led to American laziness, and that's fine by me.
- December 25, 336: The first recorded Christmas was celebrated in Rome.
- December 26, 1991: This marked the end of the Soviet Union. That's something to celebrate, in my opinion.

19.) People-watching
People-watching occurs all the time. At its most extreme, it is called stalking, but people-watching happens to be a hobby of mine. December makes people-watching in malls, airports, etc., that much more exciting.

20.) "Merry Christmas"
When else is it socially acceptable in the U.S. to say merry?

21.) Candles
Candles smell way better in the winter. There are better scents, and I have a theory that winter air makes candles more enjoyable to one's olfactory cells.

22.) I can bundle up and not look as strange
I get cold very easily. I have my space-heater on in June. In the winter, I can wear jackets and scarves and mittens and hats, and I almost fit in.

23.) Elves
I like little people. Little people with pointy ears are even better.

24.) More time for reading
I like to read. It is an enjoyable activity, and it makes me feel more intelligent. During December, I get to read much more often, and I actually get to choose the books I read.

25.) End of the Semester
The end of the semester means final exams, which is what I should be studying for right now.

I hope this makes even the Grinchiest person's heart grow at least two sizes.


P.S. The painting at the top of this post is by Thomas Kinkade. He's a beast with a paintbrush.

November Musings

I slacked for the month of October. I have many excuses for this. October sucked. I'd go out on a limb and say it was the worst month this year. Also, I have experienced a great lack of inspiration. Usually, my post ideas just hit me, like a brisk slap in the face. One day while I was walking on campus, I saw someone with cankles, and BOOM. Blog Post. October was seriously lacking in the BOOM moments.

Now, it is November, my second-favorite month of the whole year. (December wins.) Here are my random musings. You know, things I like, things I don't like, things that confuse me, things that scare me, etc.

People who walk slowly

I walk very quickly. In fact, some might refer to my walk as a slow jog. I know this about myself, and I'm fully aware I walk at pace that is unsafe for the average Joe Blow. I am not the average Joe Blow. I can recognize a normal pace, a fast pace, a Heidi pace, and a slow pace.

The slow pace people are the easiest to identify. These are the people who make me late for class, meetings, dinner, etc. These are the people who would be walking backward if they walked any slower. These people induce frequent headaches and rage. Furthermore, I am sure to judge these people in the most absurd of ways. I understand that my pace of walking is common for a person with a Type-A personality. Therefore, when I encounter a pedestrian doubling as a paraplegic turtle, I automatically enter my mental courtroom and begin judging the offender on the provided evidence. I deduce that the pace of walking must mirror the pace at which the person thinks. Therefore, I conclude the person is dull and with no ambition, for that person cannot even muster enough energy to walk at a normal speed. I realize this assumption is unfounded and a little preposterous at times, but people need to speed it up or move out of the way.

Cheerios

I am confident that this is the most pointless cereal of all time. Its one perk, in my opinion, is available elsewhere. It lowers cholesterol...how splendid...so does running. I would rather run than eat Cheerios. They have no taste. They are shaped like Froot Loops but are smaller and are the color of cement. That is not appealing. I also cannot understand feeding one's offspring Cheerios. I see this all the time. I believe this fosters resentment in one's child, and he/she will grow up to hate his/her parents. Mark my words.

Physical Attraction

I like boys. Nope, scratch that. I like MEN. Tall, dark, handsome, brawny shoulders, nice teeth, you know, the whole shebang. I find it interesting that we all have differences in judging attraction. Some (I hope) might find me attractive, whereas others would rather experience open-heart surgery while wide-awake than be forced to hug/kiss me.

So, what is it that makes us attractive to some and not to others? Why do some prefer blonds while others prefer brunettes? Why do nerdy guys appeal to me, whereas hairy guys scare me? They say it has to do with hormones and primitive desires that aid in finding a suitable mate for procreation. Maybe that's true, but if so, then why do some people find skinny, less-than-tan males to be suitable vessels for continuing the human race, while others prefer jacked and tanned fellas for procreation purposes?

This will forever puzzle me. I just hope that one day a fine gentleman will subconsciously deem me appropriate and worthy to carry on the species.

Guys and rainboots

Days like today (rainy and cold) make me very grateful to whoever invented galoshes. I looked up the history of galoshes on the ever-reliable Wikipedia.org, and it's quite interesting.

When I'm trekking across campus in my rain boots, I pity the poor young men who cannot wear rain boots. It makes me wonder why it is socially unacceptable for a guy to wear rain boots to keep his feet from getting soggy. We all know that if we saw a young man wearing rain boots, we would likely do a double-take. I find this quite unfortunate for men, but I also find child-birth unfortunate for women, so I guess dudes will just have to endure soggy feet. Either way, I have a dream that one day peoples of both sexes may wear rain boots and live in harmony.

J.M. Barrie and Peter Pan

Anyone who truly knows me knows that I love all things pertaining to Peter Pan and J.M. Barrie. It's a strange fascination, and I'm fully aware of this. J.M. Barrie could possibly be considered a little weird. I believe he would be misunderstood, but I also believe he was one of the greatest minds to ever grace humanity. His creativity is astounding, and he truly was a lover. He loved people and life. I like to think we would be friends.

Peter Pan is just amazing. He got to live in Neverland and have adventures. He had a friend who just happened to be a fairy, and he could fly. Oh, and he never had to grow up. That's the life. Of course, we all know he didn't have a mother, which blows, but he still has/had a pretty amazing life. Peter Pan reminds me to stay youthful.

"To love would be an awfully big adventure." - J.M. Barrie (The Boy Who Wouldn't Grow Up/Peter Pan)

Anyway, this post doesn't have much point except to express my random thoughts. Happy November!

Kids on Leashes?

I consider myself a pretty intelligent person, relatively speaking. There are some things, however, that I can honestly say I will never be able to understand. Enjoy!

1.) Kids on leashes.

If a parent puts his/her child on a leash, it means one of two things: either the child is a crazy, Rosemary's baby clone who, given the opportunity, will wreak havoc on all his/her surroundings, OR the parent sucks so much that given the opportunity, the child will make a mad dash to escape the life to which he/she is unfortunately bound. If a parent truly is that horrible, he/she needs a lot more than a leash to solve his/her problems.

2.) People who dress up their pets.

Cats and dogs are cats and dogs. They are not children. They, in most cases, have fur. The fur is there to keep them warm. Thus, they do not need clothes. If you force your animal to wear dresses and toenail polish, not only does your pet look a fool, but so do you.

The only exception to this is Uga. He can wear jerseys all day long. Am I biased? Maybe.

3.) Boys/Men.

Every time I think I have a grasp on this group of people, I am once again proven horribly incorrect.

4.) Theories of Economics.

I passed ECON 2105. I do not remember a thing from that class. That is probably best explained by the fact that I never understood anything in the class while I was taking it. Don't ask me why we are in a recession. The only answer I can begin to provide is that people aren't buying things. I am 100% aware that that is not a sufficient answer. I realize that not understanding economics makes me seem very inept and ignorant, but the fact of the matter is, I do not plan to run for public office, nor am I majoring in economics, so I will refrain from worrying about my lack of knowledge in this matter. I will leave this puzzling bit of life to those more suited to tackle it than I am.

5.) Lady Gaga.

I believe that she is creative, talented, and original, but in all honesty, she scares the beegeezus out of me. If I ever saw her in an airport, for instance, I would drop my luggage and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

6.) People who camp out for iPhones, iPads, and things of the like. If this gadget is more important to you than sleeping is, then I simply cannot relate. I cannot figure out what an upgraded version of what someone already has can do so impeccably that one would feel the need to lose sleep and sanity to get one's grubby paws on such an object. The exception to this? Harry Potter books. I have respect for people who camped out for those.

Harry Potter > iPhone.

7.) Terrorism.

Killing is uncool. Killing lots of people is lots of uncool. Killing out of obstinacy or ignorance is about as cool as a fanny pack.

8.) Most reality television shows.

Reality shows are silly to me because rarely do the people on the show have cooler or funnier lives than I do. I'm not being arrogant, I'm simply claiming that most reality TV stars are even more lame than I am. In the rare event that a reality TV star does have a cooler or funnier life than I do, I proceed to get jealous, which makes the show quite unpleasant. I would rather watch shows that are 100% made-up. They are 100% funnier, anyway.

Also, reality shows lie. They are the opposite of real, and I'm no fan of frauds.

9.) People who smoke around babies.

If you smoke, that's your choice, and last time I checked, the United States was still a relatively free country. But if you smoke around innocent babies, you deserve a swift kick in the ass.

10.) People who don't like candy, cakes, brownies, cupcakes, ice-cream, etc.

These people are not to be trusted.

11.) People who vehemently claim that they do not like to read.

These people rarely have a good reason for this claim, and the most popular reason is, "Reading is boring." No. Reading isn't boring. You're boring.

12.) The majority of rap music.

When I say I can't understand rap music, I don't mean that I don't like rap music. I literally just cannot understand it...in the same way that I cannot understand German. I am not embarrassed to say that I always have to Google the lyrics out of fear of being humiliated in public when I am at a loss for the "lyrics" to a rap song.

Cankles

I really love to laugh. I'm also very good at laughing. I greatly appreciate people and things that make me laugh, such as Chelsea Handler, my sociology professor, and really dumb people.
That being said, at times, nothing will elicit a greater laugh from me than some really fantastic words. So, here are some words that are guaranteed to get a chuckle out of me:

1.) Cankle - I don't believe one can hear this word and not laugh. It is fun to say and even more fun to picture. Try saying "cankle" and not laughing...I double-dog dare you.

2.) Shart - I am fully aware that this word is gross, but sometimes gross is funny.

3.) Brain fart - It's funny when it happens, and it's funny when it's said.

4.) Penetrate - This is funny because I have the mind of a 13-year-old boy.

5.) Erect - I can't help but laugh when someone says or I read, "He was standing erect."

6.) Gyrate - I can't help but picture someone dancing spasmodically, although that's not exactly what this word means.

7.) Frisky - I laugh when old people use this word to describe someone. They usually are attempting to describe someone as "feisty" or "perky," but my generation uses "frisky" and "horny" synonymously.

8.) Chode - I undestand that I am getting more immature as this post progresses, but this word is just comical.

9.) Dunce - People don't use this word enough.

10.) Crusty - This word is funniest when it is not describing food.

I hope these words make you laugh. I also hope that you don't lose respect for me since I have now shown how immature I truly am.

I'd Like to Buy the World a Rocking Chair

There are few things in life with which a large majority of people can agree. For proof, just look at the health care battle, religion, gay marriage, and practically anything else. I'm going to go out on a limb, however, and say that everyone likes rocking chairs. And the people who have never experienced a rocking chair would like it if given the chance to see its magic.

I was sitting in a rocking chair last night on the porch of a great house of a great fraternity on a great road in a great college town. It was pretty great. No, scratch that, it was the bomb. There are several reasons I like rocking chairs. Here are just a few:

1.) Not many chairs are made for the sole purpose of sitting and enjoying a sit. Toilets were made for a special purpose. Thrones were made for kings and those of the like to rule over their minions. Car seats were made for, well, cars. Kitchen chairs were made so one would not be required to stand and eat. Recliners, oddly enough, seem to be made for sleeping in case the television show one is watching is a bore. Rocking chairs, though. Rocking chairs were made for sitting (and thinking about life, which inevitably ensues).

2.) The inventor of the rocking chair is unknown. Some believe it was Benjamin Franklin, but I know better. You see, no one knows who invented this amazing chair because God did. He realized the world was missing something, so when he made Adam and Eve, he took a small chunk of the rib that he used to make Eve to make the rocking chair. This chair remained lost after Eve ate the apple, but it made a comeback in the 18th century. The history of the rocking chair was left out of the Bible because the rocking chair didn't want to have anything to do with the whole original sin thing.

While I have no concrete proof of this, I would tell naysayers that they have no concrete proof against it, so that's what I believe. God invented the rocking chair because no mere mortal could have invented something so perfect.

So if an atheist tells you they don't believe in God, tell them to go sit in a rocking chair in a very polite manner.

3.) No one would concoct a plan for world domination in a rocking chair. Why? Because angry and mean people are the ones who create such plans, and a rocking chair immediately makes people happy and nice. However, if one gets out of a rocking chair, the anger and meanness could definitely come back. Simply, people just don't think about oppressing other people in rocking chairs. People think about life, the Sun, the skies and sunsets, flowers, rainbows, cheeseburgers, beer, puppies, etc. in rocking chairs, but they certainly do not think about world domination.

4.) Rocking chairs rock.

5.) Rocking chairs are often associated with front and back porches, which are pretty awesome, if you ask me.

6.) Rocking chairs are soothing. You can ebb and flow to and fro. You can also bust some sweet rhymes.

7.) Rocking chairs also provide an ever-so-slight workout. What do you do in a normal chair? Sit. What do you do in a rocking chair? Rock. It's that simple.

8.) Rocking chairs have mystical powers. If everyone had a rocking chair, the world would be a better place. Why? Because like I said, people don't contemplate world domination and nuclear warheads in a rocking chair (that is done in labs and other gross places).

9.) I've never met anyone who didn't like rocking chairs, and if I do, I have a feeling we won't become friends.

10.) Rocking chairs always adorn the greatest restaurant ever, Cracker Barrel. If you disagree with that statement, think about this. Where else can you play checkers, eat yummy food, play the little triangle-tee game, and find the greatest candies and toys known to man? Nowhere esle, so don't even try to think of another place.

I really like rocking chairs. Some of the statements in this post may not necessarily be the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God, but they're pretty close.

Go sit in a rocking chair today. You'll be glad you did.

The Secrets of Life

I don't consider myself to be a very wise person, but I do know some not-so-secret secrets that are sure to guarantee happiness. I will dispense this information...now!

1.) Jimmy Buffett relieves stress, no doubt about it.

2.) Sleeping late is good for you. I have no scientific proof, but I know how I feel after I sleep in on Saturdays, and that's all that matters. That being said, sleeping past noon isn't really okay. Sleeping late every day really isn't okay, either. Moderation is key, yo.

3.) Smoking cigarettes makes you smell, well, like a cigarette. That's not a good thing. Also, smoking cigarettes kills you and gives you cancer...not in that order. So, if you don't care about how you smell, perhaps you care about your life? If you don't care about your life, then you should stop reading about the secrets of life. DUH. I'm done rambling.

4.) Go to Disney World.

Why? Because I said so. Because no one has ever died in Disney World, Scout's Honor. How many other places are that cool? I'll tell you how many...ZERO. It's the happiest place on Earth. It's good for the soul, just like chicken soup, which brings me to my next point...

5.) Chicken soup is good for the soul...maybe not for the chicken's soul, but for your soul? Definitely.

6.) Be yourself. If you try to be someone else, you're going to confuse people, including yourself.

7.) Admit your mistakes and apologize. If you don't do this, you'll eventually run out of friends and people with whom to talk.

8.) Say "Bless You" when someone sneezes. Why is this a secret of life? Because if you don't do this, I'll kill you. Just kidding. But for real, be polite.

9.) Eat dessert. You shouldn't eat dessert for every meal or after every meal, but perpetually denying your body dessert is not good. You'll go insane, and a skinny looney bird is still a looney bird.

10.) Read...it's good for your brain.

11.) Laugh. It's good for your brain and your body. As Mr. Buffett says, "If we couldn't laugh, we would all go insane." He's right.

12.) Forgive people. We all screw up. You'll want forgiveness one day, so don't be stingy with it.

13.) Listen to people. Someone once told me that we were given two ears and one mouth for a reason - we should listen twice as much as we talk. We all know those people who never shut up. Don't be that guy.

14.) Say "thank you." No one is too cool to be grateful.

15.) Always love. Hate will get you every time.

P.S. That's a song by Nada Surf. It's good.

100 Songs Everyone Should Have on His/Her iPod

Here is a list of great songs. These are not my favorite. I understand that my favorite songs aren't always great songs. For example, "Baby" by Justin Bieber isn't a musical masterpiece. I'm quite aware of that. However, you can bet I turn it up whenever it comes on.

This list, on the other hand, is comprised of songs that are not only my favorite but are, by all accounts, awesome.

So, if you do not know these songs, download them. You won't be sorry.

By the way, this list is, for the most part, random. The first 20 are the most important.

1.) "New Orleans Ladies" - Tab Benoit & Louisiana's Leroux
2.) "Tiny Dancer" - Elton John
3.) "Landslide" - Fleetwood Mac
4.) "American Pie" - Don McLean
5.) "Sweet Child O' Mine" - Guns 'N Roses
6.) "Redemption Song" - Bob Marley
7.) "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" - Poison
8.) "Purple Rain" - Prince
9.) "Please Come To Boston" - Dave Loggins
10.) "Rhiannon" - Fleetwood Mac
11.) "Mr. Bojangles" - The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
12.) "Jack and Diane" - John Mellencamp
13.) "A Pirate Looks at Forty" - Jimmy Buffett
14.) "Only The Good Die Young" - Billy Joel
15.) "You Make My Dreams" - Hall & Oates
16.) "Crazy Love" - Van Morrison
17.) "Georgia On My Mind" - Ray Charles
18.) "Fire and Rain" - James Taylor
19.) "Keep On Trying" - Poco
20.) "Levon" - Elton John
21.) "Suspicious Minds" - Elvis Presley
22.) "Wonderful World" - Sam Cooke
23.) "The Way You Look Tonight" - Frank Sinatra
24.) "I'll Be There" - Jackson 5
25.) "At Last" - Etta James
26.) "Wonderful Tonight" - Eric Clapton
27.) "Baba O'Riley" - The Who
28.) "Brown Eyed Girl" - Van Morrison
29.) "Red Red Wine" - Neil Diamond or UB40
30.) "Night Moves" - Bob Segar
31.) "Dixieland Delight" - Alabama
32.) "When You Say Nothing At All" - Keith Whitley or Alison Krauss (I like Alison Krauss's better)
33.) "Sexual Healing" - Marvin Gaye
34.) "Somebody To Love" - Queen
35.) "Sister Christian" - Night Ranger
36.) "Man In The Mirror" - Michael Jackson
37.) "Send Me On My Way" - Rusted Root
38.) "Over The Rainbow" - Isreal Kamakawiwoʻole's version (this is a medley with "What a Wonderful World," and it's awesome)
39.) "Unchained Melody" - The Righteous Brothers
40.) "Cool Change" - The Little River Band
41.) "The Boys of Summer" - Don Henley
42.) "Peace of Mind" - Boston
43.) "The Times They Are A-Changin' " - Bob Dylan
44.) "Learn To Fly" - Foo Fighters
45.) "Wagon Wheel" -Old Crow Medicine Show
46.) "Blue Eyes Blue" - Eric Clapton
47.) "Better Man" - Pearl Jam
48.) "Afternoon Delight" - Starland Vocal Band
49.) "The Joker" - Steve Miller Band
50.) "Let It Be" - The Beatles
51.) "For What It's Worth" - Buffalo Springfield
52.) "Arms of a Woman" - Amos Lee
53.) "When You Come Back Down" - Nickel Creek
54.) "By Your Side" - Sade
55.) "Black Balloon" - Goo Goo Dolls
56.) "Come Fly With Me" - Frank Sinatra
57.) "Midnight Train to Georgia" - Gladys Knight and the Pips
58.) "Somebody's Baby" - Jackson Browne
59.) "Changes in Latitudes, Changes in Attitudes" - Jimmy Buffett
60.) "Jolly Mon Sing" - Jimmy Buffett
61.) "Something About The Way You Look Tonight" - Elton John
62.) "Hurts So Good" - John Mellencamp
63.) "Don't Stop Believin' " - Journey
64.) "What a Wonderful World" - Louis Armstrong
65.) "Dance Little Jean" - The Nitty Gritty Dirt Band
66.) "Walkin' After Midnight" - Patsy Cline
67.) "In The Air Tonight" - Phil Collins
68.) "Mrs. Robinson" - Simon and Garfunkel
69.) "Everyday People" - Sly and the Family Stone
70.) "Edge of Seventeen" - Stevie Nicks
71.) "Come Sail Away" - Styx
72.) "Drive (For Daddy Gene)" - Alan Jackson
73.) "Free Fallin' " - Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
74.) "Where the Green Grass Grows" - Tim McGraw
75.) "Talkin' Bout a Revolution" - Tracy Chapman
76.) "Stuck in A Moment You Can't Get Out Of" - U2
77.) "Heat of the Moment" - Asia
78.) "Don't Worry Baby" - The Beach Boys
79.) "Stand By Me" - Ben E. King
80.) "A Lifetime" - Better Than Ezra
81.) "Devil Went Down to Georgia" - Charlie Daniels Band
82.) "Easy" - The Commodores
83.) "Ain't No Sunshine" - Bill Withers
84.) "I'll Be Seeing You" - Billie Holiday
85.) "Blowin' In The Wind" - Bob Dylan
86.) "Alabama" - Cross Canadian Ragweed
87.) "I Can't Make You Love Me" - Bonnie Raitt
88.) "Stealing Kisses" - Faith Hill
89.) "Time After Time" - Cyndi Lauper
90.) "Come Monday" - Jimmy Buffett
91.) "Good Riddance" - Green Day
92.) "Calling Baton Rouge" - Garth Brooks
93.) "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing" - Aerosmith
94.) "I Will Follow You Into The Dark" - Death Cab For Cutie
95.) "This Year's Love" - David Gray
96.) "Go Your Own Way" - Fleetwood Mac
97.) "Midnight Rider" - The Allman Brothers Band
98.) "Blue Clear Sky" - George Strait
99.) "Carry On Wayward Son" - Kansas
100.) "Signed, Sealed, Delivered, I'm Yours" - Stevie Wonder

Word To Ya Motha

I really like words. Without words, my blog would be nothing. Also, without words, human communication would be reduced to grunts and moans. I believe those should be left to the more primal aspects of our lives.

Here are some words that I simply adore:

hoopla
bamboozle
methinks
perhaps
rancid
confound
shenanigan


Here are some words that should be banned from the English language (for various reasons):

delicious - I only dislike this word when it is actually used to describe food/a meal (i.e. That turkey was delicious, Grandma!) If it is used to describe the way someone looks, that's perfectly acceptable...and funny. (i.e. Oh mah Gawd, that boy is DELICIOUS!)

taut - This word would be fine; however, the first few times I ever saw this word used were in articles and directions on how to wax a (preferably your own) bikini line. The directions always say, "Pull the skin taut." That's gross. Unfortunately, now when I see that word, I automatically think about a hairy, waxy, bikini line. And you will probably think the same thing now. Sorry.

panties - This just does not roll off the tongue well. Say undergarments, unmentionables, underoos, I don't care. Just don't say panties, for the love of God and all that is holy.

poot - This might by the grand-daddy of all disgusting words. If this list were in order, this word would have been first. Just say fart...or expelled gas... just please, for my sanity, don't say this word.

tender - This word is okay when describing meat. It is not okay when describing anything about or pertaining to a person (i.e. voice, touch, etc.) It sounds creepy.

the "N" word - If you use this word, I lose all respect for you, regardless of your race. It's not cool. Please omit it from your vocabulary.

faggot - This is offensive. It should not be used to describe anyone. Get creative. Think of a better word.

That's all for now. Feel free to tell me about words that you love or hate. It's fun.

Top 10 Most Annoying Facebook-ers

This is a comprehensive list of the most annoying Facebook users and their outrageously obnoxious behaviors. If you are a habitual violator of any of the following, stop immediately or risk being reported to the Facebook police.

10.) People who partake in the interactive/activity statuses. For example:
"Like my status and I'll rate how good you look on a scale of 1-10"
Really?

9.) People who post endless pictures of themselves playing tonsil-hockey with their boo. That's gross. I'm not jealous or happy for you; I'm simply disgusted.

8.) People who use their statuses to shout out to other people. For example:
Jane Doe loves her gurls, Mary Smith and Anne Johnson!
Jane Doe loves her boyfriend John Adams so much!
If you really want them to know this, text them or call them. Do not write it on their wall because it will then just blow up my News Feed.

7.) People who are mad at the world and everyone in it and use their statuses to let this be known. For example:
John Man, f*ck all this. I give up! I'm better than this bullsh*t.
Please stop being vulgar, and STOP WHINING.

6.) People who use their statuses to reveal only trivial nonsense. For example:
Jane is in class.
Bob is asleep.
Jim is in the car.
Thank you for informing me. I don't know how my life would have gone on without that little gem.

5.) People whose wall-to-wall's resemble/substitute texting. For example:
Jane -> John: Baby, I love you so much. I'm so glad we got to hang out last night. Thank you for being the most amazing boyfriend ever! I LOVE YOU.
John -> Jane: Baby, I love you more. I'm so lucky to have you in my life. You complete me.
This is also disgusting and obnoxious. I would almost rather see pictures of you kissing.

4.) Those people who "like" everything. (And the people who create these ridiculous pages for others to like.) Here are some real examples:
Mike likes: that protective feeling over a friend you adore :)
You probably won't remember half of the things I never forget (Pleast stop being a Drama Queen)
Long, soft, slow, breath-taking kisses
Not having STD's (You're human. Of course, you like not having STD's. Stop being pointless.)

I have a friend who has literally "liked" 1062 pages. This is strange.

3.) People who take pictures of themselves in front of a mirror. You look pathetic.

2.) Boys who take pictures of themselves in the mirror without wearing a shirt. Thank you for letting me know that you are a douche-bag without me actually having to speak to you.

1.) People who use their statuses as diaries/journals. For example:
Susan is really upset and stressed because she has nothing to wear and her mother won't stop nagging her and she has so much homework and she is so tired.

Number 1.) That's a run-on sentence.
Number 2.) Stop whining. You sound pathetic.

In Recent News...

Top News for the week:

According to the artist formerly known as Prince, "the internet is dead." Sorry, Prince, not until Obama gets that "kill switch."

Oil is still leaking in the Gulf. Hurricanes and tropical storms are still forming in the Gulf. A.K.A. Recipe for disaster. Thanks, BP and the government. Job well done.

Lindsay Lohan is going to jail. Surprise, surprise. Maybe she'll stay there?

LeBron is going to Miami. Sweeeeeet. How about we all just jump on the Miami bandwagon?

Miley is still skanky.

It's still freakin' hot here in Georgia.

In California, a couple tried to sell their baby at Wal-Mart for the discount price of $25. They were eventually rid of their child, but they did not receive $25 - just a hefty lawsuit and a nice big pile of public humiliation.

Apparently, UGA athletes(and those involved in UGA athletics) just can't stay away from the booze. Good going, Mr. Evans.

In more exciting news:

I got a dog/new best friend. Ellie is her name; lovin' is her game.

Your Definately To Bad at Grammer Too Be Taken Seriously

If you are in high school or have graduated high school, you have most likely taken a few basic English courses throughout your life. Now, assuming you did not sleep through these required courses, you should have been exposed to the basic rules of grammar and spelling to ensure that you do not embarrass yourself with your lack of writing skills later in life. Apparently, these courses were also given to ensure that you may communicate effectively with other people.

After much observation, however, it seems that most people over the age of 15 have forgotten almost everything that they ever learned about grammar. So, to refresh their memories, I have compiled a list of the most vile grammar infractions that the English-speaking world has ever known.

*The word is "definitely" - not definately, defiantly, etc. In fact, there is no "a" in the word at all. So, stop putting one in it.

*Too, To, & Two: It really isn't that difficult. Two = 2. (I definitely have two eyes.)
Too = adverb. (I definitely have too much time on my hands.)
To = mostly used as a preposition (I am definitely going to the movies tonight.); also used to indicate that the following verb is an infinitive (I cannot wait to go to the movies tonight.)

*Your vs. You're: This is quite simple. You're: (contraction) You + Are (You're definitely the worst speller I've ever met.)
Your: indicates something belongs to "you," whoever "you" is. (Your spelling is the worst I've ever seen.)

*There, Their, & They're: This one is a little bit more tricky.
Their: shows possession (I hope their house doesn't flood.)
They're: (contraction) They + Are (They're the coolest people I know.)
There: This one covers everything else. (I have seen that sign over there before. Let's go there for our next vacation.)

*A lot. "A lot" = two words.

*Than vs. Then: Yes, this is confusing, but it is not impossible.
Than: *I am two years older than you are.
*I would rather sleep in my bed than sleep in a tent.
Then: *If you are a slow learner, then you should take notes.
*He had a wreck two years ago. Since then, he's been driving more carefully.

*Fewer vs. Less: Fewer is used to refer to things that can be counted. (M&M's, cows, eyes, cars, etc.) Example: I have fewer shoes than you have.
Less is used to refer to something that cannot be counted. (gas, memory, power, etc.) Example: I have less fear than you have.

*Its vs. It's: It's = It + is (It's cold outside.)
Its = to show possession/ownership (Its home is in Georgia.)

These are just a few of the horrible grammar and spelling mistakes that I see quite frequently. If you commit any of these grammar crimes, you will be judged.