Kids on Leashes?

I consider myself a pretty intelligent person, relatively speaking. There are some things, however, that I can honestly say I will never be able to understand. Enjoy!

1.) Kids on leashes.

If a parent puts his/her child on a leash, it means one of two things: either the child is a crazy, Rosemary's baby clone who, given the opportunity, will wreak havoc on all his/her surroundings, OR the parent sucks so much that given the opportunity, the child will make a mad dash to escape the life to which he/she is unfortunately bound. If a parent truly is that horrible, he/she needs a lot more than a leash to solve his/her problems.

2.) People who dress up their pets.

Cats and dogs are cats and dogs. They are not children. They, in most cases, have fur. The fur is there to keep them warm. Thus, they do not need clothes. If you force your animal to wear dresses and toenail polish, not only does your pet look a fool, but so do you.

The only exception to this is Uga. He can wear jerseys all day long. Am I biased? Maybe.

3.) Boys/Men.

Every time I think I have a grasp on this group of people, I am once again proven horribly incorrect.

4.) Theories of Economics.

I passed ECON 2105. I do not remember a thing from that class. That is probably best explained by the fact that I never understood anything in the class while I was taking it. Don't ask me why we are in a recession. The only answer I can begin to provide is that people aren't buying things. I am 100% aware that that is not a sufficient answer. I realize that not understanding economics makes me seem very inept and ignorant, but the fact of the matter is, I do not plan to run for public office, nor am I majoring in economics, so I will refrain from worrying about my lack of knowledge in this matter. I will leave this puzzling bit of life to those more suited to tackle it than I am.

5.) Lady Gaga.

I believe that she is creative, talented, and original, but in all honesty, she scares the beegeezus out of me. If I ever saw her in an airport, for instance, I would drop my luggage and run as fast as I could in the opposite direction.

6.) People who camp out for iPhones, iPads, and things of the like. If this gadget is more important to you than sleeping is, then I simply cannot relate. I cannot figure out what an upgraded version of what someone already has can do so impeccably that one would feel the need to lose sleep and sanity to get one's grubby paws on such an object. The exception to this? Harry Potter books. I have respect for people who camped out for those.

Harry Potter > iPhone.

7.) Terrorism.

Killing is uncool. Killing lots of people is lots of uncool. Killing out of obstinacy or ignorance is about as cool as a fanny pack.

8.) Most reality television shows.

Reality shows are silly to me because rarely do the people on the show have cooler or funnier lives than I do. I'm not being arrogant, I'm simply claiming that most reality TV stars are even more lame than I am. In the rare event that a reality TV star does have a cooler or funnier life than I do, I proceed to get jealous, which makes the show quite unpleasant. I would rather watch shows that are 100% made-up. They are 100% funnier, anyway.

Also, reality shows lie. They are the opposite of real, and I'm no fan of frauds.

9.) People who smoke around babies.

If you smoke, that's your choice, and last time I checked, the United States was still a relatively free country. But if you smoke around innocent babies, you deserve a swift kick in the ass.

10.) People who don't like candy, cakes, brownies, cupcakes, ice-cream, etc.

These people are not to be trusted.

11.) People who vehemently claim that they do not like to read.

These people rarely have a good reason for this claim, and the most popular reason is, "Reading is boring." No. Reading isn't boring. You're boring.

12.) The majority of rap music.

When I say I can't understand rap music, I don't mean that I don't like rap music. I literally just cannot understand it...in the same way that I cannot understand German. I am not embarrassed to say that I always have to Google the lyrics out of fear of being humiliated in public when I am at a loss for the "lyrics" to a rap song.

Cankles

I really love to laugh. I'm also very good at laughing. I greatly appreciate people and things that make me laugh, such as Chelsea Handler, my sociology professor, and really dumb people.
That being said, at times, nothing will elicit a greater laugh from me than some really fantastic words. So, here are some words that are guaranteed to get a chuckle out of me:

1.) Cankle - I don't believe one can hear this word and not laugh. It is fun to say and even more fun to picture. Try saying "cankle" and not laughing...I double-dog dare you.

2.) Shart - I am fully aware that this word is gross, but sometimes gross is funny.

3.) Brain fart - It's funny when it happens, and it's funny when it's said.

4.) Penetrate - This is funny because I have the mind of a 13-year-old boy.

5.) Erect - I can't help but laugh when someone says or I read, "He was standing erect."

6.) Gyrate - I can't help but picture someone dancing spasmodically, although that's not exactly what this word means.

7.) Frisky - I laugh when old people use this word to describe someone. They usually are attempting to describe someone as "feisty" or "perky," but my generation uses "frisky" and "horny" synonymously.

8.) Chode - I undestand that I am getting more immature as this post progresses, but this word is just comical.

9.) Dunce - People don't use this word enough.

10.) Crusty - This word is funniest when it is not describing food.

I hope these words make you laugh. I also hope that you don't lose respect for me since I have now shown how immature I truly am.